


In the windless nights of June

by Rysler



Category: Guiding Light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-18
Updated: 2011-04-18
Packaged: 2017-10-18 08:42:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/187048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rysler/pseuds/Rysler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Olivia and Natalia visit a dude ranch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the windless nights of June

Prologue

"Why me?" Olivia asked.

She didn't mean for it to sound as plaintive as it did, but really, the proposal that come as preposterous. He'd been right not to send it to her before she arrived in Chicago. She never would have come. As it was, even with the all-expenses paid weekend, theater tickets, dinner, and champagne, she felt insulted.

"I knew you would say that," he said. "Hear me out."

She folded her hands, elbows on the table, and smiled politely at him.

"Olivia, you've built businesses from the ground up. Construction. Hotels. It's your talents I'm after, not your portfolio. Your instincts are what's going to make this happen. That's what I'm paying for."

"But I don't know anything about--Westerns."

"I do. I don't need you to duplicate that for me. I've been in the ranch business for a while now. I need you to do what I can't."

"Run a business," she said.

His smile got wider. "At least consult."

She sighed and sipped her water. "David, I have a home--"

"It's just a week. Can't you leave Springfield for a week? For vacation? This is my dream, Olivia, and you're the best person to make it come true. I asked around."

"Then Natalia Riviera's coming with me."

"Who's that?"

"My partner," she said.

"Fine. Though I always thought of you as a lone wolf, Olivia."

"Two lone wolves at your service. And she gets two thousand as her fee. Separate. Check to her. Expenses can cover the both of us."

"All right. If she's your partner, why isn't she here?"

Olivia flashed back to Natalia in the hotel room. She lifted her shoulders and said, "She wouldn't stop laughing when she read the proposal."

David pursed his lips.

"Really," Olivia said, "Like a hyena."

* * *

"How'd it go?" Natalia asked, waiting for her on the sidewalk.

"He talked me into it." Olivia didn't quite make eye-contact.

"He talked you into a dude ranch?"

"For a week."

Natalia giggled.

"You're coming," Olivia said.

Natalia covered her mouth. "What did I do?"

"I'm sure as hell not going anywhere without you."

"Olivia, Emma--"

"Will be fine with Phillip." She took Natalia into her arms. "Think of it as our honeymoon."

"Oh, hell no."

"Fine, it's just business. Can you ride a horse?"

"No." Natalia folded her arms. "Can you?"

"Of course."

"Of course." Natalia shook her head. "You know, when Rafe was a boy..."

Olivia sighed.

"What? What's that look?"

"You know. Back in St. Olaf..."

"Do you want to sleep outside tonight?"

"It's cold."

"It's Chicago, I know, but it's nearly summer."

"I'm from a beautiful Caribbean island."

"No business there."

"No dude ranches, at least."

"Kind of surprising, actually. Sugar cane?"

"Yes. Lots of rum."

Natalia grinned. She took Olivia's elbow and they began to stroll toward the hotel. "Back in when Rafe was a boy, I would sign him up for everything I could find. Underprivileged wilderness camp. Volunteering to pick up trash on church lawns. Boy Scouts. Soccer. Odyssey of the Mind. Big Brother. Helping Hand. Oh, how he hated all of it."

Olivia squeezed Natalia's hand.

"He just wanted to hang out with his friends. But he has ridden a horse. And he can swim. And read music. I gave him that."

"And now I can give you that."

"Do not get mushy when talking about horses."

Olivia smiled.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"The thought of you and I out west? Amazing sunsets? Rocking chairs on the porch? Yes, I enjoy everything now that you're..." Olivia's smile widened. Her flush deepened.

"Do not start..."

Olivia pulled Natalia around, frowning. "Natalia. What's wrong? I thought you'd be more excited."

Natalia bit her lip.

"You're afraid of horses, aren't you?" Olivia asked.

"I'm not afraid of...anything?"

Olivia pulled her close. "I won't go if you don't."

"How much are we getting?"

"Twelve thousand."

Natalia pulled back. "For a week's vacation? Are we taking drugs across the border, too?"

"Well, we'll be working."

"Not hardly enough."

Olivia grinned. "Welcome to the world of business."

"No wonder you can only afford to pay the peons a pittance."

"Exactly."

"Well, show me a good time in Chicago and I'll consider it."

"It's your city. You're showing me the good time, remember?"

"Okay. Yeah. Just don't screw it up." Natalia leaned back into Olivia. "I can't believe we're staying at the Drake. I've cleaned rooms at the Drake."

Olivia tensed.

"Kidding," Natalia said. "But really. This is a side of Chicago I've never seen before. It's exciting."

Olivia smiled. "You haven't seen the half of it."

* * *

"Why can't I go?" Emma asked.

Olivia leaned across the kitchen table. "It's going to be boring, Emma. It's a business trip. Do you want to sit around a guest room and watch me do paperwork? You've had enough of that in your life. Wouldn't you rather have fun with your daddy?"

Emma looked between Olivia and Natalia and said, "It's a hard decision."

"I know. That's why I'm making it for you."

Emma made a face.

"She understands the logic," Natalia said.

Emma made a face at Natalia.

Olivia said, "I know. Doesn't make it feel any better."

A horn honked outside.

"Daddy!" Emma leaped up, grabbed her bag, and went through the door.

Natalia glanced at Olivia. "He's not going to come inside?"

"Who knows what could happen?"

"Good point."

Natalia leaned back in her chair and sipped her coffee. There were still three hours before they had to leave for the airport and with Emma gone the stillness settled in.

Olivia said, "The house is all to ourselves..."

Natalia put the coffee cup down and stood. "Let's go."

Olivia grinned.

Natalia went through the living room.

Olivia took another sip of coffee. By the time she made it up to the bedroom, Natalia had opened all the blinds to let the sunlight in and pulled the comforter off the bed. She slid her arms around Olivia's neck.

"I thought you'd never get here," Natalia said.

"I was waiting to make an entrance."

"You were waiting for everything to be done."

Olivia kissed Natalia, then pulled back. "That, too."

Natalia pressed the back of Olivia's head, bringing her in for another kiss. This one lingered and by the time Natalia released her, Olivia was flushed and panting and wearing way too many clothes.

"I'm wearing way too many clothes."

Natalia smiled. She stepped back and pulled off her shirt.

Olivia mirrored her, enjoying the way Natalia's expression intensified when she was just in her bra.

Natalia unzipped her jeans, but instead of pushing them down, just smiled suggestively at Olivia.

"Oh, so there are some things I have to do," Olivia said, stepping closer.

"I can do them," Natalia said.

She tugged on Olivia's waist and opened Olivia's pants, pushing them down to her knees. Olivia grimaced and kicked them off, managing not to kick Natalia, who then straightened.

Olivia said, "You have me at a disadvantage."

Natalia raised her eyebrows.

Olivia tugged Natalia closer and kissed her.

"I think...we're even," Natalia breathed.

* * *

Some Tuesday in spring

Olivia had been jotting notes during the flight, but now that they were in the van being driven up the mountain, she was writing furiously. The sound of the pen was interfering with Natalia's vacation calm as she looked out the window.

"What could you possibly have to say already?"

"About the airport? About the van? About the time it takes to get there?"

"Where's your sense of wonder?"

"It's in the form of a check I'll be presented with in due time."

Natalia rolled her eyes.

Olivia looked out the window. "Oh. Mountains."

Natalia slapped her thigh.

Olivia looked at the driver, who'd introduced himself as Tad. "You should tell us about the place. Local history. Things like that."

"Keep ya'll entertained? Sure. Not everyone likes a lot of talking in their car. Usually groggy from the flight."

"Not everyone is Olivia," Natalia said.

Olivia wrinkled her nose. "Try me."

"All right, then. Welcome to Colorado. Ever been?"

"Yes," Olivia said.

"No," Natalia said.

Tad glanced at them in the rear view mirror and smiled nervously.

"I assure you, whatever you say, you won't lose your job."

"Well, that's comforting, ma'am."

Natalia said, "I promise you that if you tell us about Colorado, I can keep her from talking for the rest of the trip."

"How are you going to do that--" Olivia mpffed as Natalia covered her mouth with her hand.

Natalia leaned closer to Olivia and whispered, "If you're good, I swear to God that we will make out in this car before we get to the ranch."

Olivia looked contrite.

Tad looked relieved.

* * *

Natalia got of the car, attempting to grab the bags but being waved off by both the driver and Olivia. So she folded her arms and looked around. The lodge was smaller than she had expected, all wood with a wraparound porch and the rocking chairs Olivia had promised. The lodge sat perfectly in the center of the valley, and all the trees had been cleared for several acres around it, sloping down to pastures where horses grazed. The air smelled both of snow and spring. She inhaled deeply.

"Vail has curative properties," Olivia said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"I was not actually excited about the mineral springs until just now."

Olivia smiled.

Tad said, "The lodge has eight rooms, in four groups, each with its own staircase. Then the managers live up on the third floor. The main floor has the kitchen and the dining room and a game room--well, you'll see."

"And high speed wireless," Olivia said.

"You would not believe how much it cost to dig cable all the way up here. But the satellite just wasn't stable enough."

Olivia looked happy.

Natalia nudged her.

Olivia said, "Let's go."

They walked toward the lodge. "There's three cabins, situated by the tree line beyond the hill. A grove, really. Extra privacy. And the spa is kind of far away, but it couldn't be helped. The springs and the good ground for building just didn't line up."

"Where do the staff live?" Olivia asked.

"Above the barn." Tad grinned.

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Nah. We built some apartments up there. It's nice. And we got trailers." He pointed over the ridge.

"You'd be surprised the kind of conditions people can live in," Natalia said.

"Yes, I would."

"We're mostly a breeding ranch. Appaloosas. Was a hobby of the previous owner. He made extra money letting people come use the springs. Then he leased out the horses--good training for them, good for vacationers who wanted something a little different. Locals who were recuperating. 4H club. Stuff like that. Eventually they started staying overnight. Cabins used to be storage buildings and things. Now this new owner wants to make a million bucks off it."

"That's why I'm here," Olivia said.

"I'm not sure how it's possible."

"This place is so--rustic," Natalia said.

"And so small."

"Well. There are three other couples--er, groups--staying here. You're up in the rose room for the first few days, then out to a cabin. We got one other cabin in use, and two of the suites. You'll meet everyone at dinner, if you don't run into them before. I think the Smiths are hiking today. Anyway, I'll take your bags up." He fled into the lodge.

"The Smiths," Olivia said.

"Think we walked into an international spy ring?"

"That would make it interesting."

* * *

They managed to sneak past everyone and get into their room and shut the door. Natalia unpacked while Olivia set up the laptop. She actually chirped with joy when it connected.

"Your Crackberry wasn't enough?" Natalia asked.

"Do you want to video chat with Emma or don't you?"

"Is she there?" Natalia sat on the edge of the bed, draping herself over Olivia to see the screen.

Olivia took her hand. "It was a hypothetical."

"Oh. Then hypothetically, yes I do."

Olivia smiled.

Natalia kissed her cheek.

A bell rang.

"Is that...an actual dinner bell?" Olivia asked.

"Rustic."

"Stop saying that."

Natalia raised her eyebrows.

"You're going to make it true," Olivia said.

"I don't think I'm going to do anything."

Olivia drew Natalia's hand to her mouth and kissed her palm. "So, are we--"

"Are we what? Closeted? Leading the parade? I don't know. We're in Colorado. There's nowhere to run if they go Psycho on us."

"Maybe we should just...be ourselves."

"Weird?"

"I know. But it might work."

Natalia covered Olivia's mouth with her hand. "It might."

"I'll be good," Olivia mumbled.

"I predict that you won't be." Natalia let go and picked up her hairbrush. "I give you, oh, ten seconds."

Olivia snorted.

* * *

Judith Smith asked, "So, how long have you two known each other?"

"Three years--almost four." Olivia said.

"The first few years were rocky," Natalia said. "Before we truly became friends."

"Understatement," Olivia said.

Natalia kicked Olivia under the table, and said, "But now we've got a house and the business and the children."

"Children?" Judith asked, reaching for her purse.

"Oh, geez, you said the magic words," Keith said.

Bailey Chester sighed and shared a glance with the men at the table, except for Tad, who was pulling out his own wallet.

Olivia opened her bag.

Judith smiled. "You first," she said to Natalia.

"Oh, I--"

Olivia leaned over the table, pulling out a wallet picture. "That's Rafe and Emma. I guess you could say we're a blended family."

"In more ways than one," J.M. said.

His son, Patrick, smacked his shoulder.

J.M. grunted and rolled his eyes.

Patrick blushed.

Olivia grinned and pulled out another picture. "And that's Ava," she said.

Judith took the picture. "She looks like both of you."

Olivia settled into her chair. "She lost her father a few months ago. I guess we're all she has left."

Natalia squeezed her arm.

Judith handed a picture to Natalia. "That's Aaron and Eric. Twins."

"Now those are cute boys," Natalia asked. "How old are they?"

The conversation moved on, allowing Olivia the space she needed to get herself back together.

* * *

"I hated that," Olivia said, when they were safely back in their suite.

"Eating fried chicken? I know we never have that at home but--"

"No. The whole process. Leaving our home. Having to out ourselves, or not out ourselves, and make everything suck. I hate doing this over and over."

Natalia took Olivia's hands. "It's just dinner, Olivia. It's natural to, uh." She hesitated.

"It's what?"

"I've been reading. This is, uh. Part of the lifestyle?"

"This is a sucky part."

"And what're the good parts?"

"The sex."

Natalia smiled.

"Having a family. Getting to help Doris stick it to the Man every once in a while."

"This is part of sticking it to the Man," Natalia said.

"How so? All of those people were nice. I didn't get to put anyone in their place."

"Of course they were nice. We're at a freakin' resort. Part of the fun is meeting weird people."

Olivia squinted.

"That doesn't mean everyone is thrilled with who we are. But they'll be decent about it. That's all we can ask. In the long run, it will help them as much as it helps us."

"That is not all we can--"

"Let me tell you something, Olivia."

"Oh, crap."

Natalia brought their hands up to her chest, and squeezed. "What's really scary is--what's really sad--is that people like that react better knowing I'm with you, than they would if they thought I was a single parent."

"Of course. I remember that, too. The dirty looks when it was just me and Emma." Olivia freed her hands and wrapped them around Natalia's shoulders. "But... They know that no one should go through life alone."

Natalia sighed and put her head on Olivia's shoulder.

"Two are better than one," Olivia said.

"Oh, don't."

Olivia said, "Fine. I still hate it. I hate making those kinds of decisions. I mean, sure, tell them about Rafe. What about him shooting Ava's father? Or what about her conception? We can't even talk about our kids without all this baggage revealed."

"I know. Olivia, I know." Natalia rubbed Olivia's back. "I felt like I should tell them all about Gus but I--"

Olivia closed her eyes. "Please don't bring Gus into it."

"Listen. I don't want to. But I think about it. Because when I was with Gus, I was not the woman I am when I'm with you. I... you remember. But think of it from my side? I worried all the time. It ruined our marriage. I worried that I would lose him to you. It made me a bitch, and then I worried that I would lose him to me being a bitch. But he brought us together, didn't he?"

Olivia exhaled.

Natalia said, "He did. He gave you a son, you know. And he was smart enough to love you first. Which is good, because he's gone and I don't have to worry, because who else would love you besides us?"

Olivia laughed and kissed Natalia's temple. "Depends on what you mean by love. Half the town?"

"They're no match."

"If you'd just thought that then. There'd be no trouble."

"I know. I know. But it was you who taught me to think like that."

"Well, you should." Olivia paused. "What did I do?"

"You looked at me," Natalia said.

Olivia raised her eyebrows.

Natalia pulled back and put her hands on Olivia's cheeks. "You looked at me with such longing--with such devotion--I can't explain it. That look. Downstairs at dinner, all I wanted to do was explain that look. To all those strange people."

"Simple explanation. It was desperation. I was a sick woman."

Natalia brushed Olivia's chin. "Right. Whatever it was, it worked. One look and I'm completely lost."

Olivia smiled, blinking.

Natalia said, "So screw--whatever. Screw the new neighbors. I knew you couldn't live without me, either."

"I tried. I tried very hard to die."

Natalia tucked herself against Olivia's neck again.

Olivia said, "It's true, though. You're irresistible."

Natalia closed her eyes against the gentle press of lips on her face. She asked, "Are we fighting?"

"Just talking, I think."

"Okay, but--" Natalia hesitated and brushed hair behind Olivia's ear.

"But what?"

"Let's stop talking."

"Okay."

* * *

Wednesday

Mid-morning brought fresh horror. "That's...a barn," Natalia said, stopping short.

"Natalia..."

"I mean, I know what a barn is. I have a barn. Mine is just not filled with horses."

"More's the pity."

"Since when?"

Olivia shrugged.

Natalia rolled her eyes. "Can't we--ease into this? Start with the spa?"

"The spa will only feel good after we've earned it. We have to get the hard stuff out of the way."

"I hate vacationing with you, you know. You're so...gung-ho." Natalia shook her head. "Active."

"Your denial is unconvincing."

Natalia narrowed her eyes.

"Come on." Olivia took her hand. "Otherwise you'll be worrying about it the whole time."

"I hate you."

"Good things happen whenever you say that."

"Oh, geez."

They went inside the barn, which was dark and cool and held the smell of fresh dirt and grain.

Tad grinned, coming out of the tack room when he heard them. "The Chesters hit the trail about two hours ago."

"We sleep in," Olivia said.

"You sleep in. I had breakfast with J.M. and Judith and read the paper and took a walk out to the springs and back."

Tad grinned.

Olivia said, "Well, we're here now. We wanted to give the Chesters their, uh, space."

Natalia nodded. "Right."

"Speaking of. The Smiths. The Chesters. What do you call us?"

Tad looked from Natalia to Olivia and blushed. "The Spencers. But we could--"

"That's fine," Natalia said.

Olivia said, "That's not fine. You--"

"It's fine," Natalia said. She squeezed Olivia's hand.

Olivia cleared her throat. "Horses," she said.

Tad beckoned.

Olivia leaned over and whispered, "No one's ever taken my name before. Usually it's the other way around."

Natalia just gave her a coquettish smile.

Tad brought them to a brown horse with white over its rump and shoulders.

"This is Helada," he said.

Helada was bridled and saddled and tied to a stall door. She snorted at their approach.

"She's...small," Natalia said.

"Appaloosas are small, yeah. You can take her in a fight, easy," Tad said.

Olivia kept her hand on Natalia's back.

"Helada'll be your horse the entire time you're here. No one else will ride her. We'll handle feed if that's what you'd like. Some guests prefer to do everything."

"I don't want to do anything," Natalia said.

"Come on," Olivia said. "She's pretty."

Tad said, "I'll give you a couple of minutes while I bale some hay, then we'll talk about mounting." He tipped his hat and walked past them.

"Bale some hay," Olivia said.

"Mounting."

Olivia walked forward with Natalia, and then took Natalia's hand.

"What are you--" Natalia stopped as Olivia placed her hand against Helada's neck. "Oh. Soft."

Olivia pressed her hand. Together they stroked Helada's neck and shoulder. Helada craned her neck to look at them, but was stopped by the bridle. Olivia guided Natalia past the saddle, to the spotted rump.

"We can't, she'll kick us."

"She won't," Olivia said.

Natalia patted her, and then kept her hand on Helada as they walked around to the other side. "She's nice."

"Let her blow on your hand."

"Let her blow on my hand?"

"Trust me."

Natalia narrowed her eyes, but moved up to Helada's head, with Olivia right beside her. She touched Helada's cheek, wincing as Helada tossed her head, and then rubbed her chin.

"She's smelling you."

"Yeah, no kidding."

"She likes you."

Natalia smiled over her shoulder at Olivia. Olivia leaned in and kissed her.

"Where's your horse?" Natalia asked.

Tad said, "She's riding Triste. But you first."

"Me first."

He strolled back. "Ready?" he asked.

"But we're just getting to know each other."

"It's like a car," he said. "You have to drive it to really know it."

Olivia grinned.

"She's not a car."

"He's right," Olivia said.

"You--" she pointed at Olivia.

Olivia stepped back and folded her arms.

Natalia looked from Olivia to Tad. She sighed.

Olivia pursed her lips in amusement.

Tad guided her back to the left side of the horse. "Okay. I'm going to talk you through it. Hold onto her mane, at the front of her saddle. Good. Now put your left leg in the stirrup."

"I'm not that flexible."

"It's not that hard. Come on."

Olivia tried to watch silently as Tad manhandled Natalia, helping her hop and bend until her foot was in the stirrup and she was contorted against Helada.

"Ready?" Tad asked.

"No," Natalia said.

"Here we go. Jump."

Natalia bent her right leg and then hauled herself up with Tad pushing her hips and then throwing her on top of the horse. Natalia sat, and panted.

"Was that good for you?" Olivia asked.

Tad grinned. "Probably akin to being a gynecologist. I barely notice anymore."

"You'd better not." Olivia came to the other side of the horse and put her hand on Natalia's thigh. "How are you doing?"

"I'm... I'm up very high. It's nice. Can we keep her tied up?"

Olivia chuckled.

"For a little while," Tad said. "Helada's one of our sweetest mares. She'll give you no trouble. And she doesn't go very fast."

Natalia patted Helada's neck.

Tad folded his arms and leaned against the stall. "Ready for yours?" he asked Olivia.

"Hell yeah."

"Great," Natalia said.

Tad said, "He's out in the corral. Want to go out?"

Olivia nodded.

He walked outside.

Olivia went to Helada's bridle. "Trust me, okay?"

Natalia gritted her teeth.

Olivia took Helada's reins in her left hand and held onto Helada's bridle with her right. She slowly walked Helada in a circle, and then toward the light outside the doors.

"She's...swaying," Natalia said.

"Just try to relax. Don't clench. Just go with it."

"This is why girls love horses, isn't it?"

Olivia turned red. "Now is not the time."

"Sure, sure." She was talking too much. She was nervous. She was going to fall off any second.

But she didn't, and then Helada was tied to the fence outside, and Natalia could breathe enough to pet the horse again.

A gray horse stood, his reins draped on the ground.

"He's bigger than mine," Natalia said.

"He's got Arabian in him," Tad said.

"He's beautiful," Olivia said. "Can I invest?"

Tad shook his head. "He's a gelding."

Natalia winced.

"Bummer." Olivia picked up the reins and swung up, far more easily than Natalia had.

Tad took Helada's reins and handed them to Natalia. "Hold them in your right hand. Like Olivia's doing. Good." He went back to Olivia. "There's a track there, basically the service road for the ranch. A walk-through will take you about a half hour. Then come back."

"Just a half hour?" Natalia asked.

Olivia said, "It's acclimation day. Your thighs will thank you."

Tad ducked away. "I've got chickens to feed."

Natalia took a deep breath. "Okay. Lead on."

"Here we go."

* * *

Natalia sank into the water. "I feel like I've accomplished so much today. I rode a horse, I had lunch..." She closed her eyes. The hot springs were more like warm springs, two pools surrounded by rocks, with decks built around them. Olivia was already babbling about the decor.

"Imagine tomorrow," Olivia said, pausing after her rant about Japanese lanterns.

"What are we doing tomorrow?" Natalia asked. If she kept her eyes closed, maybe she wouldn't have to see Olivia's manic expression.

"Whitewater rafting?"

"No."

"Hiking?"

Natalia sighed.

"Whitewater rafting?"

"I hate this place," Natalia said. She sank further into the water, until the water lapped at her chin. She had to be careful to keep her mouth and nose above water. The ranch had the water tested twice a month in spring and summer, but Olivia wasn't going to let her risk it. Even if submerging into the warm water was really tempting--

"Natalia."

Natalia sighed and pushed herself up and looked at Olivia.

"What would you like to do?"

"Tonight we're having dinner at the lodge, then playing cards with the Smiths."

"Tomorrow."

"How about a hike and a picnic?" Natalia asked.

Olivia grinned.

Natalia said, "I'll even let you run around."

"Let's talk to the horses," Olivia said. "Before cards."

"Talk to the--all right. Whatever."

Olivia slunk over to Natalia's side. "No one else is coming to the springs for at least an hour."

"Oh?"

"The Chesters and J.M. and his son are on an all day ride. The Smiths went into town. The workers are all...elsewhere. I told Tad to keep them away."

"You did."

"For us."

"Because you think I'm going to--"

"I hope?"

Natalia arched her neck to look at the trees. "You first," she said.

"You don't have to tell me twice."

When Natalia looked back at Olivia, Olivia was naked. Her bathing suit hung on the rocks. Her breasts were just below the water. Natalia could almost see--couldn't quite see. She moved forward, taking Olivia into her arms.

"You're so beautiful," Natalia said.

"It's a great setting."

"Shush." Natalia pressed kisses to Olivia's temple, her ear, then her jaw. She shivered as Olivia's hands slid up her back, warmed by the water.

Then she froze as Olivia unclasped her bikini top.

"I don't know if we should--"

"I did."

"You're you," Natalia said.

But she didn't protest anymore when her bikini floated to the top. Olivia's hand replaced it on her breast. Olivia had once declared that men were now the most boring thing in the world, after breasts. She'd jumped into sex wholeheartedly. For Natalia there was still a mix of illicitness and desire. To be so close to what she idolized--she still felt undeserving. But with Olivia's fingers grazing her nipple, sending heat through her that put the water to shame, she was being convinced.

"Open your eyes, Natalia," Olivia said.

Natalia hadn't realized she'd closed them until she blinked and looked into Olivia's eyes. She swallowed and held her breath as Olivia moved closer. Olivia's kiss--

Olivia's kiss.

With lips on hers, Natalia worked off her bikini bottom and then drew Olivia to her. The kisses were affirming, rather than hungry. Gentle, rather than passionate. Natalia threw her head back and let them fall on her throat instead. Let Olivia touch her and make her feel beautiful. She should be participating more. Offering more than just stroking Olivia's hair, strand by strand.

"This is so hot," Olivia purred into her ear. "Making love to you in a hot spring."

"Uh. Yeah..."

Natalia decided to just go with it. She turned her head and found Olivia's lips. She kissed Olivia and held her hips. The water splashed around them. Olivia laughed and urged her closer and then her hand--

No one else's hand would ever touch Natalia like that. Not for her whole life.

She convulsed. Olivia pressed close, stilling. Natalia breathed.

Olivia stroked, sending tingles through Natalia. She squirmed away.

"We've just disgraced a hot spring," Natalia said.

"Every place is holy with you."

"With you."

Olivia gave her that disbelieving smile and Natalia rose up in the water, letting it spill off her breasts and stomach. Let Olivia gape.

"Come here," Natalia said.

"I don't think I can stand."

Natalia put a finger under Olivia's chin. "You can stand."

Olivia took a deep breath and rose, taking Natalia in her arms. They pressed together, breast to breast, thigh to thigh. Natalia cupped the back of her neck and kissed her mouth.

"This is a perfect vacation," Natalia said.

"Can we go hik--"

"No."

Olivia pouted, but let Natalia urge her up onto the ledge, though the wood planks were less pleasant to sit on than the smooth rock.

She let Natalia urge apart her thighs and lower her head.

"Best vacation ever," Olivia agreed.

Natalia's laugh against her made her tremble.

Made her stop thinking about the scenery altogether.

 

Twilight was settling in, but the dinner bell hadn't yet rung. The horses were out in the pasture. Helada had trotted up when Natalia approached the fence.

Natalia laughed as the horse nuzzled her shoulder.

Olivia walked up. "See. You're acclimating."

"I am. It feels like home." She rubbed the horse's nose. "Almost like home."

"Like home?"

Natalia nodded. She squinted as the horse nibbled her hair.

"He only wants you for food," Olivia said.

"She." Natalia outstretched her hand.

Olivia took it.

"How does it feel?" Natalia asked.

"Rustic." Olivia paused. "Peaceful. You're right. This could be the farmhouse, only... freer, somehow."

Natalia nodded. The horse backed away, snorting at Olivia.

"I get that a lot," Olivia said. She wrapped her arms around Natalia's shoulders.

"She apparently sees you as a predator."

Olivia bared her teeth.

Natalia smiled.

"This isn't what I was expecting," Olivia said.

"No? Something a little more glamorous?"

"Yes. I guess... Disney ranch. Or spa ranch. Not ranch-ranch."

"This kind of analysis is what's netting you ten grand."

Olivia kissed Natalia's cheek. "I'm only as good as my editor."

Natalia shook her head.

Helada approached and exhaled at Natalia.

Olivia said, "I like it here. I wish I knew how to sell it."

"Maybe not with words. Maybe with pictures."

Olivia sighed. "But what about the smells? The sensations." She buried her face in the crook of Natalia's neck. "You smell like horse."

"I do not."

"Mm."

"I can't believe we're here." Natalia pulled Olivia's hand down from her shoulder.

"We are."

"It's almost perfect."

"Almost?"

Natalia tugged Olivia around, to smile into her eyes. "If only we were home."

"A few more days."

"We'll just have to find a way to distract ourselves..."

Olivia kissed her.

Natalia smiled and cupped Olivia's cheek. "That's a good start."

* * *

As Judith described the river to Olivia, who listened like a rapt ferret, Natalia felt her picnic lunch dream slipping away. She wanted to throw down her cards and shout "Gin!" but it wouldn't be polite. Everyone had come except J.M., all guests, no staff, and they'd decided on poker, with a friendly pile of pretzels and M&Ms in the middle of the table. Even Patrick was there, getting teased by middle aged women and tempted into betting too much candy by the men. He looked happy.

Natalia contemplated the best way to tell Olivia there was no way in hell she was going rafting.

Olivia turned her hopeful gaze to Natalia.

"You go rafting," Natalia said. "It sounds like a great time."

Olivia said, "You can be my boat bunny."

Natalia organized her cards. She said, "I think I'll stay here."

The naked expression of hurt was so visible on Olivia's face that Natalia only kept from flinching from years of practice. She met Olivia's eyes. Olivia's mask slipped back into place.

"But--" Olivia started.

Natalia shook her head. "You have to go out sometime. It's part of the experience. I'll spend my day at the spa."

"While I'm out in the cold," Olivia said. "All wet."

Natalia just smiled.

Miriam said, "I think I'm due for a massage, too."

Olivia ate an M&M.

Judith asked Olivia, "Is this all an excuse to go to the surf shop?"

Olivia grinned. "Well, I brought dry suit, but I could definitely use a new windbreaker. I haven't been whitewater rafting since--" She glanced at Natalia.

Natalia said, "Then it's time."

Olivia nodded. "We'll take lots of pictures for Bauer. Give him the heart attack."

Bailey peered at them over his cards.

"You'll be fine," Natalia said, but her gaze lingered on Olivia's eyes, until Olivia coughed and looked at her cards.

They hadn't fought, that was something, but Natalia was suddenly afraid for tomorrow. She missed the heat that would have distracted her. Her hand trembled as she changed out a card.

Miriam leaned over to Natalia. "You guys don't really spend a lot of time apart, do you?"

"No. Not if we can help it. We did too much of that--maybe one day won't kill us."

Miriam smiled. "So what are you going to do tomorrow?"

"I'm going to have a long, warm soak. I'm going to pick flowers. I'm going to tell Helada all about my son."

"Sounds better than rafting to me."

Natalia said, "You know what? I'm on vacation."

* * *

Thursday

Olivia had left just as the sun was rising, after waking Natalia up with kisses. Natalia's lips and cheeks and eyelids tingled for hours afterward. Just when she'd finished brushing Helada's coat to a shine--hard work--and had settled into lunch, oddly alone, with just Patricia the manager, settling her down with fruit and sandwiches, just when she'd started missing Olivia, Olivia called.

Then she and Miriam had gotten onto massage tables out in the woods by the springs, and allowed a cowboy far too young and far too fit to be so close to them put hot rocks on their backs and rub oil into their shoulders and legs and places that made Natalia blush to remember. She'd told Miriam too much about her life, and Miriam returned the favor, and they'd ended the session laughing so hard that the cowboy could barely hold their feet down for pedicuring.

Softened, relaxed, and embarrassed, Natalia dressed in faded jeans and a tee shirt and settled into a rocking chair.

Patrick and J.M. rode past the lodge, trotting side by side. Natalia waved. Patrick waved back. J.M. tipped his hat.

Natalia grinned.

A van came rumbling up the road. Natalia got up.

Miriam came onto the porch. "That's them."

Natalia held her breath as the van stopped in front of the porch. Not that she expected--Olivia was probably fine--but--

Bailey was the first to get out, and he and Tad stood on either side of the open door and helped Olivia down. She was regal and smiling and she wasn't even bruised.

Natalia rushed toward her. Olivia caught her, hugging her tightly.

"Tell me everything," Natalia said.

"You first," Olivia said.

Bailey climbed the porch and frowned at Miriam. "You don't hug me like that."

"Please. They're not even married yet. They'll learn."

Bailey said, "People like that can't get married."

Miriam shook her head. "Then I guess they'll never learn."

* * *

Friday

Olivia petted Triste's nose warily, watching Tad secure a tent bag behind the saddle.

"When did you plan this?" she asked Natalia.

"While you were rafting hours away. It's supposed to be very easy."

Tad grinned. "Sure is. An hour's ride, then a whole evening just to chill. You can head for the river, or for the summit. My vote's on the summit."

"That sounds...high," Olivia said.

"Oh, I'm sure the horses have done it a thousand times," Natalia said.

"It's totally safe," Tad said. "We don't let people do it in hunting season, but it's a nice way to get away otherwise."

"There are things out there that are...hunted?"

Natalia swung up on Helada and then accepted the backpack Tad handed her. Food, matches, clothes. Not too heavy, since that most of the stuff they needed was in saddle bags."

"No gun?" Olivia asked, getting onto Triste.

"Olivia likes guns," Natalia explained.

"No permit," Tad said.

Olivia sighed. "This is revenge, isn't it? For yesterday."

"It's romantic," Natalia said.

"Cabin'll be ready when you get back," Tad said. "See you tomorrow."

"See you," Olivia said.

Tad slapped Triste's rump, and then they were off, heading for the tree line, and beyond that, the canyon wall.

"Got a map?" Olivia asked.

"X marks the spot."

* * *

The incline was gentle but the turns were sharp and they rode with Natalia and Helada leading the way, plodding along. The river rushed below them, and the air was cleaner and clearer than anything Natalia had smelled. She inhaled and pretended they were the last two people on earth.

And she wished Triste would stop trying to chew Helada's tail.

"He's just playful," Olivia said.

"He's going to get me thrown off."

"Nah."

Natalia sighed. "Isn't this the most beautiful place you've ever seen?"

"Yes."

"You're staring at my back."

"And I wish you could see it."

Natalia laughed. Then she grabbed the saddle horn and held on as the trail sloped downward, leading into a narrow valley, almost shadowed, and crowded with scrub brush.

Olivia said, "Oh. Wow. Do you mind if I--"

"Hm?"

Olivia pulled up alongside Natalia. "Wait here," she said.

Natalia got Helada to stop, which was more an effect of saying, "Hey, stop," and focusing really hard than anything she could manage to do with the reins.

Olivia touched Natalia's arm, and then kicked Triste. They cantered down the path, into the valley. Olivia's hair flowed behind her, haphazard with speed and wind, and her jacket flapped, and she smiled. At the end of the trail, she turned around, and Triste reared.

Natalia gasped. Helada flattened her ears.

Olivia laughed and cantered back. She was flushed and glowing by the time Triste pulled alongside Natalia again.

"How long have you been wanting to do that?" Natalia asked.

"Since Chicago."

"Show me," Natalia said.

"Are you sure?" Olivia brushed hair out of her face.

Natalia nodded. She looked down the trail.

"Okay. Follow me. Lean forward, give Helada a few kicks--it's all right--and she'll get the idea. And hold on."

Natalia smiled.

Olivia seemed concerned. She leaned sideways and kissed Natalia. "Hold on," she said.

"I promise. Go."

Olivia and Triste took off. Triste's sides heaving and Olivia's elbow bouncing.

Natalia leaned forward. "Go," she said, giving Helada a little tap.

Helada walked.

"More." Natalia squeezed with her thighs. She tapped again. Helada broke into a trot. "Oh, crap." Natalia clung to the saddle horn. This was not comfortable. This was not galloping through the valley. "Go!" she shouted, and then Helada surged forward, and the wind was whipping Natalia's hair, and she was no longer bouncing, but rocking. Slow and comfortable on the old mare, and yet, free.

In front of them, Triste leaped onto the next part of trail.

Helada followed, but the lurch as she climbed, and the change in gait, sent Natalia sliding off her left side. She landed in the dirt, rolling onto her back. Like a slow motion crash.

Helada sniffed her face.

"Shit!" Olivia shouted.

Natalia covered her face and laughed. There was a thud, and then Olivia's hands were on hers, drawing them down.

"Are you all right?" Olivia asked.

"I'm great." Natalia giggled.

"Did you hit your head?"

"No."

"Back?"

"All is well."

Helada had shied away from Olivia, and was whinnying at Triste.

"Sit up," Olivia said.

Natalia pushed herself up and Olivia slid under her, cradling her in her lap. "I'm fine," she said, reaching for Olivia's arm.

"Still, maybe we need a break, okay?"

Natalia was content to stay in Olivia's arms. The valley was only a few feet under them, sides sloping up to rock walls, and all giving way to forest. She breathed deeply. Olivia's arms tightened.

"What's that?" Natalia asked.

She sat up. Olivia's hands moved to her shoulders, supporting her.

Broken rocks were scattered along the valley floor, pink quartz, and white, and--"Do you see the purple?"

"Amethyst," Olivia said.

"Your birth stone," Natalia said.

"Yup."

"It's beautiful."

Jagged and unpolished and craggy, the split rock coaxed her forward.

"Wait," Olivia said. "I'll bring it closer."

"I'm fine."

"Just hold on."

So Natalia waited, but stood up carefully.

Olivia walked into the forest. "This one?" she asked, picking up a chunk of geode.

"Olivia, we can't just take--"

"Why not? It isn't a national park. Actually, I think it is a national park. But...Just look."

She walked back, and the amethyst caught the sunlight just as Natalia took it in her hands, and she knew she wasn't letting it go.

Olivia smiled. She brushed Natalia's bangs out of her face.

"It's stunning," Natalia said.

"It is."

"If I hadn't fallen off the horse, we never would have found it."

"Is that supposed to make me happy?"

"It's fate."

"It's a coincidence," Olivia said.

Natalia smiled.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Oh, all right. I'm pleased. Let's go."

Natalia nodded. She caught Helada's reins and tucked the chunk of rock, as big as her hand, into a saddle bag.

"We'll get to the top, and make S'mores and sing songs and look at the stars," Natalia said.

"Anything you want. Just take it slow."

"You used to complain about that."

"I wised up."

Natalia mounted Helada and grinned. "Me, too."

* * *

The tent had been pitched in the sandy clearing, set up as an often-used campground, with even an iron grill and an impressive fire pit. There were trees to sit under, and a view of the mountains, and a fenced corral down the hill for the horses.

Natalia had built the fire, letting Olivia prepare the food, and comment incessantly, and they'd eaten and watched the sunset in each other's arms, and then when it had gotten darker, and cooler, and they realized just how tiring the ride up had been, they gave up on the wild outdoors.

Natalia went into the tent and changed and got the double-zipped sleeping bag arranged--technology was amazing. She waited as Olivia hung the saddlebags away from bears, or whatever. She had tried to filter out that part of the guidebook.

Olivia came into the tent, having to crouch. The lamp light caught her eyes, white points on a black, murky canvas. She looked feral. Carnal. Even smiling like that. Even dipping to kiss Natalia's hair sweetly.

Outside was the wilderness. The clear, starlight sky as big as space. The trees with God-knew-what living in them.

But the tent was small and already filling with steam from heated breath. Natalia brushed hair out of her eyes.

She said, "This is so Brokeback Mountain."

Olivia snorted. "You don't want this to be Brokeback Mountain."

Natalia had, of course, owned a copy. Conflicted or not, she was a middle-aged woman. They'd watched it at the farm house as part of Olivia's dyking-up experience. It came with the cake and the toaster and the Melissa Etheridge CDs. Sure, she'd cried, but men doing--those things--it wasn't romantic. They were a hundred miles away from anyone they knew, and miles away from anyone at all. And yet she still felt restrained.

The last time they'd been this far away from the world, Natalia had locked her in a bathroom. Madness had been unleashed.

"No?" Natalia asked. She didn't quite smile, but Olivia knew when she was being teased.

Olivia slid into the spot between Natalia and the tent wall, pressed between the canvas and Natalia's hip. She urged Natalia to twist, so that Olivia spooned her, and scooted down enough to kiss her ear.

There. There was the smile.

"Maybe," Olivia said.

Natalia turned her head enough to meet Olivia's eyes, looking up. She said, "Think of all the things you've wanted to do to me. For how long."

"I've done them."

"Have you?"

Olivia kissed Natalia's neck, forcing Natalia to turn her head away, to close her eyes, to sigh.

"I know you," Natalia said.

Olivia hesitated, and then let her teeth graze Natalia's neck, and then her ear. "Do you," she asked. Her voice hoarse.

"You're a businesswoman. You're always prepared. You researched. You played out various scenarios. You tested the markets. I know about Billy. You told me about the gay bar. If Doris hadn't been there--"

"I wouldn't have gone home with anyone."

"Because you're in love with me," Natalia said.

I know what it means when you tell someone that you love them.

"You want me to do things to you, Natalia?"

Natalia squirmed. "Quickly."

"Why?" Olivia asked, and then took Natalia's earlobe between her teeth. She tugged.

Natalia squeaked.

"Tell me," Olivia said.

"We're in a tent, Olivia. Why did we come out here? For the view? For--For the stars?"

Olivia chuckled. She propped herself up on one elbow and ran her free hand over Natalia's breasts. She'd wanted to do everything differently. But Natalia wanted her. Olivia was afraid--

Natalia would tell her to stop being afraid.

She worked the top button of Natalia's shirt open. "Plaid," she said.

"Authentic."

Olivia opened the second button. "On anyone else, it wouldn't be attractive."

"Mm," Natalia said.

Olivia unfastened a third button, and then slid her fingers through the opening, to stroke the skin above the bra. Black lace. Natalia had at least planned on getting laid. A thrill went through Olivia. A pounding started. In her heart. And lower, where she pressed against Natalia. The ability to be an unselfish lover was draining away. Her fingers stilled.

"Don't," Natalia said.

The tent kept her from bolting. The fabric of Natalia's shirt trapped her fingers. So she asked, "What?"

"Whatever you're thinking, Olivia. Please... stop thinking."

Olivia demurred, as her hand slipped lower, cupping Natalia's breast through the lace. "Have I been unsatisfying in bed?"

Natalia's eyes were closed. "You've been perfect."

Olivia squeezed. Natalia's tremble went through both of them.

Natalia wet her lips and said, "I need you to be perfect tonight."

"But no pressure, right?"

"All the pressure in the world."

Olivia resumed opening buttons, until she could stroke Natalia's bare stomach and feel Natalia's breasts pushing against her arms as Natalia breathed. They were close together now. Olivia couldn't control the way she was panting against Natalia's ear. Unbuttoning Natalia's shirt--like unwrapping a present--exposing Natalia, just for her.

All for her.

"You really want me to--"

"For God's sake, Olivia."

Olivia finished Natalia's shirt and tugged it out of her jeans, leaving it splayed under her. She twisted until she was on top of Natalia, on leg between Natalia's, breasts against breasts. Natalia's eyes opened. Olivia kissed her, hard, bruising, hoping to make a point, but also because she couldn't keep herself away from Natalia's mouth. Natalia encouraged her tongue. She nipped so Olivia would nip back. The kiss became hungry and graceless.

Natalia would change her mind and then--

Natalia wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and drew her into the kiss, crooning something. Olivia lifted her head, just enough so that their lips parted, swollen, warmed by eager breath. Natalia rose up and kissed her, open-mouthed, until Olivia succumbed again. She cupped the back of Natalia's neck, holding her while they kissed, while they fought, while Olivia struggled to maintain some semblance of reason as Natalia's tongue flicked just so, tempting her into Hell.

She must be crushing Natalia, pushing her into the hard ground with her kisses, with her hips moving. It was exciting. She'd never been with anyone so petite before Natalia. Someone who's sturdiness she had to worry about. Her dominance had always relied on restraint, rather than this lack of restraint. This kissing that was making her mouth numb, this grinding that was getting more frustrating by the second.

She pulled back, against Natalia's moaned protest, to survey. Natalia's chest heaved with breath.

"This has to go," Olivia said.

"Fine."

Olivia worked her hands under Natalia's back, with difficulty, without Natalia's help. Natalia was staring at her, wild-eyed and dark-haired, her lips parted. Olivia found the clasp and then the bra was gone, flung into some corner of the tent.

"Better," Olivia said.

"It's a start."

Olivia growled. She kissed Natalia's lips and then her throat and then worked her way down Natalia's chest. Natalia's nipples responded to the rough brush of Olivia's tongue. Hardening. If Olivia pursued the peaks, Natalia would thrust against her. If she caressed instead, squeezing gently, Natalia would groan and arch her back. If she paused to suckle the side curve, to press her cheek--there, Natalia's fingers would tangle in her hair, and push her back to the straining nipple. Olivia sucked, with force, and Natalia yelled something, and tightened her grip in Olivia's hair, pulling her.

She switched to the other nipple, and finally, Natalia's call of "Olivia" wasn't a complaint.

She was already moving to kiss the hollow been Natalia's breasts when Natalia whispered, "Please."

Olivia shifted upward, kissing Natalia's mouth. Natalia pulled her shoulders and hooked one calf over her leg, so that Olivia pressed against her. Natalia arched, seeking even more contact. Her sensitized nipples pushed against Olivia's shirt. Olivia twisted, dragging the fabric against Natalia's skin. Natalia groaned and offered desperate, uncoordinated kisses. And then she retaliated, sliding her hands between them, finding Olivia's breasts.

"Oh, God," Olivia said.

She kissed Natalia's jaw, and then pressed her forehead against Natalia's shoulder. The currents Natalia's fingers sent through her breasts, down her spine, through her legs, were going to make her clumsy. She knelt, tearing herself away from Natalia's body. Her body shuddered and cried to go back. Natalia pulled at her shirt, yanking at the cotton wherever her hands could grab.

"Hold on," Olivia said.

"Off," Natalia said.

"I will, just--" She couldn't concentrate with Natalia's hands on her. A stray finger tickled her ribs. She gasped and pulled the shirt over her head. She let Natalia work off her bra only because Natalia was in a better position.

"The rest," Natalia said.

"But--"

The jeans were the only thing keeping her orgasm at bay. And even the sight of Natalia, fully naked--Even the smell--

"I want you," Natalia said.

Olivia rolled onto her back, wincing at the small, unforgiving space. She worked down her zipper, trying to breathe, trying to get a grip.

Trying not to think of Natalia undressing beside her.

She closed her eyes before she took Natalia into her arms, on top again, flesh to flesh. Natalia bent her outside knee, thigh pressing against Olivia's hip.

Olivia slid her hand between them.

"Olivia," Natalia said. "Look at me."

Olivia opened her eyes. She met Natalia's gaze--found it lustful, wanton, wanting. She knitted three fingers together and entered Natalia.

Natalia arched back. "Olivia."

Olivia took her, kissing her face, her throat, as her fingers moved. Natalia squeezed, trying to keep her in. Seeking more. Olivia rocked, too, her center against Natalia's thigh. Not quite enough, but it was helping. Desire made her ache as she thrust. She met Natalia's gaze again--open, dark, passionate. Olivia had been wrong. To want so much of Natalia and not have this--without this, there was nothing else.

"Natalia," she said.

She wanted to cry, but Natalia's eyes were drifting closed. Her jaw was tense. The rest of her was bound in taut shaking. She flushed pink. Her breath caught. She reached down and grabbed Olivia's wrist and held it and let out one pinched, feeble cry.

Olivia held her breath.

Natalia exhaled, still quivering. She carefully licked her lips, and then opened her eyes. "Olivia," she said. Her voice was a whisper.

Olivia breathed.

"What you're wanting to do..." Natalia managed.

"You can read my mind now?"

Natalia closed her eyes. She hugged Olivia's neck. Olivia moved higher, so that she straddled Natalia's hip. Bone pressed against her center. Crinkled curls brushed her thigh. Natalia kissed her, filling her mouth, consuming her senses. She rocked against Natalia, letting the crescendo build in her spine. Letting the sweat pour off of her, making them slick. The tent was hot. It was hard to breathe. Natalia's hands slid down her back, then stroked her sides. Then grabbed her ass.

Olivia bucked, suspended between Natalia's hands and her hips. Trapped. She couldn't kiss Natalia anymore. But the touch, the pressure, the orgasm--there, like falling into a pool of fire.

Like getting struck by lightning.

She tried to breathe, thankful beyond words when Natalia's hands moved chastely to her back. She knew she was shaking them both. She knew her heart was pounding wildly in her chest. Her heart.

Natalia held her close until Olivia could stretch and languidly roll onto her back.

"Whew," Natalia said.

Olivia coughed. "So, we fucked in a tent. Happy now?"

Natalia smiled.

"Now we have to sleep in one." Olivia twisted onto her side, wrapping an arm around Natalia's torso. "Ow."

Natalia exhaled forcefully.

Olivia kissed her shoulder. "Massages tomorrow."

"This is supposed to be fun?"

"We'll put it in the comment card."

Natalia covered Olivia's hand with her own. "I love you," she said.

"I love you, too."

"This is the last time we sleep in a tent, okay? We've done it. It's off our bucket list. Never again."

"Agreed."

Natalia's shoulders shook, and Olivia knew that she was smiling.

Olivia sat up. "I have an idea."

"Oh no."

"It's a good one."

"Oh, no."

"I think." Olivia opened the tent and then scooted outside, wincing at the cool air. She tugged the sleeping bag out from under Natalia, who frowned but let it go. Olivia reached in and grabbed her socks and her shirt, and put them on. "Come on," she said.

"Let me--" Natalia gestured at Olivia's half-dressed state. "Do that."

Olivia nodded. She spread the sleeping bag on the ground by the fire, checking for rocks underneath, but there was just the sand. She threw another log on. She listened for wolves.

Natalia crept out of the tent. She'd put on her jeans, but left them undone, though her shirt was buttoned.

"Olivia, I don't think this is a good idea..."

"You haven't even heard the idea yet."

"No? I can guess."

"Fine. Guess. I'm sleeping out here. Go be alone in the cold, dark tent."

"It's not...cold..."

Olivia got into the sleeping bag. She tucked her hands behind her head and looked up at the sky.

Natalia looked up. "Do you know the constellations?"

"Of course."

Natalia looked down at Olivia.

Olivia smiled. "No. You?"

Natalia sighed and got into the sleeping bag next to Olivia. Even double-wide, the space was small and she pressed against Olivia's side, while looking upward.

Olivia tucked one arm behind Natalia's shoulders, so she had a rest for her neck.

"I used to," Natalia said. "When Rafe studied them, I did too. I wanted to know. I mean, you can't see the stars in Chicago. But I wanted him to know what was out there... Vega, that's the brightest right now. One of the brightest. And the highest. Right above us. It's like the North Star, only...not."

"Polaris, right?"

"I think so. Emma?"

"Emma."

"Thank goodness our children go to school. Otherwise we would know nothing."

Olivia chuckled. She scooted closer to Natalia. "They all look bright to me."

"It's a beautiful night."

"So. I was right." Olivia rolled onto her side, to smile at Natalia.

"You're not right yet."

"When will I be?"

"Is that all you care about?" Natalia asked.

Olivia's smile brightened.

Natalia shook her head and urged Olivia down for a kiss.

When their lips parted, Olivia asked, "Ever had sex in a sleeping bag?"

"Not with you."

"Want to?"

"Absolutely."

"Good." Olivia kissed her and slid her free hand down Natalia's chest. "Damn buttons."

"Don't worry about them," Natalia said.

She coaxed Olivia into another warm, lingering kiss. The tent had left them languid and satisfied and happy, and they were content now to kiss under the stars and let their hands travel under loose clothing. Friendly. Intimate.

"Closer," Olivia said.

"Here?" Natalia pressed. Olivia shifted, opening up.

"Yes. Right there."

Olivia traced Natalia's thigh and then slipped inside her jeans, matching Natalia's movements.

"Olivia," Natalia breathed.

"Kiss me."

Natalia covered Olivia's mouth with hers and they moved in tandem, sparing no thought for bears or campfires or falling meteors.

"Closer," Natalia echoed.

"I'm here."

When they could breathe again, and the sand became hard ground under their backs, Natalia cried, and held onto Olivia like she was never going to let her go.

Olivia looked at the stars, trying to remember all their damn names.

* * *

Saturday

"Oh, what a beautiful morning," Olivia said. She stood, loosely dressed, and surveyed all that was before her. Trees. More trees. Kind of a hill. Maybe a creek if...

"It's nine o'clock," Natalia said.

She was still in her sleeping bag, but she was squinting at the Blackberry screen.

"Yeah, well, that works for me."

Natalia stretched, and her back cracked. And her neck. And her knee.

Olivia winced.

Natalia said, "The sun's been up for hours. I'm surprised we weren't... run across by bandits, or something."

"I don't think there are any bandits in this part of Colorado," Olivia said.

"No? Well, maybe not anymore. But if you'd read Louis L'Amour..."

"Let me guess, Rafe?"

"I read some to Rafe, yes." Natalia frowned.

Olivia exhaled.

"Problem?" Natalia asked.

"It's always Rafe, isn't it."

Not in this case. He was a convenient punching bag. Natalia hated it. How her son and her lover used each other to mask problems. Olivia didn't mind when Rafe piled on the guilt. But Natalia minded. And when it the other way, Rafe minded. So Natalia let the non sequitur irritate her, just like Olivia wanted, instead of letting it go.

"Yes. I've spent the last 20 years of my life caring about him. Him and almost no one else. So forgive me if he comes up from time to time."

Olivia said, "I just want to get off this mountain."

That would help. Natalia couldn't get in the last word and Olivia couldn't storm out while they were trapped up here together. That was their best coping mechanism. She was beginning to feel Olivia's frustration. Maybe if they got the topic off Rafe, they could make it down to the lodge without a homicide.

"Did you feed the horses?" she asked.

Helada nickered.

Olivia said, "Yes. I put the things on their noses, just like the instructions said. If there had been bandits, they would have taken the horses, right?"

"Sturdy, genetically tailored ponies like these? For sure." Natalia smiled.

Olivia didn't smile back.

Natalia sighed and got out of the sleeping bag and got dressed and rolled it up and put it on the horse, all while Olivia stood, arms folded, glaring at the treeline.

"Wow," Natalia said. "You are not a morning person."

"We shouldn't have come here," Olivia said.

"Why? What? Should we have stayed in comfortable Springfield where everything is just the way you want it so we'd never have to take risks?"

"No, it's just...I think the air is poisoning us."

Natalia covered her mouth. She coughed.

"Aha! You do think I'm funny."

"I think you're a jerk."

"Well, the two kind of go hand in hand, don't they?"

"Olivia. Please tell me what's bothering you?"

"Nothing's bothering me."

Natalia folded her arms. She wanted to take Olivia into an embrace, she wanted to put her head on Olivia's chest and listen to her heartbeat. But she could sooner go to China than touch Olivia now.

Olivia said, "Okay. It's this place. It doesn't feel real. And last night--I want last night to be real."

"It doesn't feel real?"

"Or maybe...it makes everything else not feel real. I just want to put all my life behind me. The business deals and the scandals and the drama. Stay up here on this stupid mountain with no electricity and poor cell service and no...food. And I hate myself for wanting that."

"To be put out to pasture."

"Something like that. But I can't. I have to look out for Rafe and make sure Emma grows up happily and keep Ava from falling into dark places and I have to--I can't stay. This is no place to live. And you were just sleeping...like you would never wake up. I just had nature to talk to. It was horrible. No Springfield. No Coopers, no Spauldings. Just you. You."

Natalia smiled.

Olivia looked at the mountains. "What do you want, Natalia?"

"You just said it, Olivia. I just want you."

"Come on, Natalia. Anything."

Natalia exhaled. "I'm serious. Look, when I--I went after Nicky, it was because I was trying to get my dream back. The husband and the family I always thought I'd have when I was a kid. It all went wrong. Got all messy. And still. I made that dream come true. Only it's you. You can't ask me what I want when you're right here. I'm done."

"Well. That's a lot of responsibility."

Natalia smiled. "I think you can handle it. Feeling trapped?"

"Desperately."

Natalia's smile brightened, but when Olivia stepped forward, Natalia stepped back.

"What?" Olivia asked.

"I need to tell you...I've been wanting to talk about this. I'm not exactly a good person."

Olivia laughed. "What?"

"I drink too much. I'm selfish. I let you talk me into eating--unhealthy things. I nearly got you killed. More than once. I hated you. I even told you--that's a sin. I make your life harder. Sometimes miserable. It was my idea to go up on this mountain and to abandon you at the river. That's all wrong and--"

"Natalia."

"Don't." Natalia put her hand on Olivia's shoulder. "You always forgive me."

"Of course. I always will. Even when I don't want to, you just smile and order me to do something and I just do."

"See? I'm not--"

"I forgive you."

"I know." Natalia tugged Olivia closer and hugged her. For a moment they clung to each other like they had years ago. Aching.

"See?" Olivia said.

"Olivia," Natalia said. "Stop looking for trouble. You make everything just right."

Olivia rubbed Natalia's back with slow circles. "I try."

Natalia tightened her grip. "And you are so easy to love."

And so easy to provoke to tears, so that Olivia shook against Natalia. Then could Natalia join her, pressing her lips against Olivia's neck, breathing hard. Olivia cupped the back of her neck and held her. And called her an idiot.

"So easy," Natalia finally said, when she could loosen her grip.

"The money makes it easy. You just never had--"

"No--No, you. Maybe you knowing how to wield it. Look at Alan Spaulding, having so much, but having no love."

"I was like that, you know."

"Yes. But not anymore."

"Because you changed things."

Natalia smiled. "I was losing everything, you know. I couldn't be a good mother. I couldn't be a good wife. But I could take care of you. It was...effortless. It was the easy way out. Hiding from everything with you."

"No one's ever said that before."

"What, no one's ever called you easy?"

Olivia pulled Natalia close. "No one's ever stayed."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Olivia coughed.

"Oh, right. Except down this mountain." Natalia said, "You know, it is beautiful. We could get married here, you know?"

"Oh, we are never coming back here."

Natalia smiled and took Olivia's elbow.

Olivia said, "Never in a million years."

"Okay, how about a cruise?"

"To Greece, to see Frank's family?"

"Oh, God. How about Disney World?"

Olivia grinned. "Disney World sounds better."

They went down to get the horses.

* * *

They made it back to the lodge and got the horses unpacked and turned out and showered just in time for dinner.

"I feel like we're always eating," Olivia said.

Natalia patted her thigh.

Tad grinned, ladling chili into their bowls. "Cabin's all set up when you want to go out there."

Natalia nodded. "Where are the Smiths?"

"They left for their own overnight. Took the river path," Tad said.

"It's the last night," Olivia said.

"They're spending it in style."

The phone buzzed insistently against Olivia's thigh. Three short bursts, followed by a pause. Repeat. Ava's vibrate tone.

"I'm sorry, I have to take this," Olivia said. She threw down her napkin.

Natalia looked at her with concern.

Olivia squeezed her shoulder. "It's Ava. I'll just step out." She went into the game room.

In the dining hall, everyone looked studiously at Natalia, and then resumed chattering.

"Hi, Ava," Olivia said.

"Hi, mom. Nothing's wrong. I just called--you didn't answer my email."

"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. I saw it, but I've been kind of distracted. I'm at a dude ranch."

"You're at a what?"

"A ranch. I swear, it's not code for asylum."

"Still. Mom. Are you all right?"

"Absolutely. We showed everyone your picture. They think you look like both Natalia and me."

"Who's everyone? Wait, what? Really?"

"The guests. At the dude ranch. Stop laughing, Ava."

Ava inhaled deeply and laughed again and said, "Let me talk to Natalia."

"Hold on." Olivia walked to the arch of the dining hall and beckoned Natalia.

Natalia got up.

Olivia handed her the phone and sat back down at the table. Natalia escaped into the game room. Her peels of laughter, though, echoed back to them. Olivia shook her head.

Everyone was looking at her curiously.

"Oldest daughter," Olivia said. "We never know when it's going to be an emergency. It's...precarious. Not this time, though."

Natalia came back, smiling. "She says she won't believe where we are until we send pictures."

"Figures," Olivia said.

As people resumed eating, and Tad started in on a story about his son, Natalia leaned over to Olivia.

Natalia said, "She says she's going to send us a PowerPoint presentation called My Two Mommies."

Olivia giggled.

Natalia squeezed her hand under the table.

Miriam leaned over and whispered something to Natalia. She smiled.

J.M. ate his chili.

Natalia leaned over to Olivia. "There's a sunrise service tomorrow, before we head out. Do you want to go?"

"No. At sunrise?"

Natalia grinned. "I'll see you after, then."

"Yes, you will."

After dinner, Patrick suggested a round of darts. Patricia opened a bottle of wine. The game room came alive with conversation and laughter and Olivia's shrewd betting. She lost nearly fifty bucks before Natalia dragged her off.

Patrick and Bailey went out on the porch and sat in the rocking chairs, and waved goodnight.

 

 

Natalia unpacked everything. She put clothes into drawers, hung jackets, set up toothpaste in the bathroom. Even for one night, she wanted to feel like she was home.

Olivia built a fire.

"You built a fire," Natalia said.

"They stocked us pretty good. Logs, chemical fire starters. I didn't have to--"

Natalia touched Olivia's shoulder as she sat in front of the fireplace, squinting intently to see if the first kindling would catch the wood. "You built a fire."

Olivia smiled and leaned her head back. "I smell like smoke."

"Smoky," Natalia said. She bent down and kissed Olivia.

Olivia wrinkled her nose.

Natalia said, "You're right. You should wash up."

"Told you." Olivia got up.

Natalia said, "Just, look at you. You went rafting yesterday. You ride. You hike."

"My heart is strong." Olivia said.

"You're strong. This must have been what you were like... before you got sick."

Olivia came out of the bathroom, rubbing her hands together. "I wasn't like this," she said.

"Still."

"Natalia." Olivia took Natalia's hands. "Worried you won't keep up?"

"We want different things."

"We want the same thing."

"But you want it on a mountain top and I want it--"

"Natalia."

Natalia bit her lip.

Olivia pivoted, putting one arm around Natalia's shoulders. She pointed at the bed. Queen-sized, covered in an amber comforter and a patchwork quilt. On the bedside table was a candle. In the drawer was a Bible and a thin volume called 101 Great American Poems.

"Oh," Natalia said. "I don't know what I was thinking."

"Think you can keep up?"

Natalia smiled, but gave Olivia a little push. "Don't be saucy."

"I'm a pirate."

"Pour some champagne, pirate."

"Yo ho ho." Olivia went to the ice bucket. "I wonder if everyone gets this."

"Did you choose some sort of honeymoon suite option?"

"No, I think this is corporate raider option."

Natalia nodded. "I'll be right back."

"But--"

Natalia disappeared into the bathroom.

Olivia kept unraveling foil and unspooling wire. She released the cork into her palm. She'd never had sparkling wine from New Mexico before. Smelled all right. She poured a little into a glass. Tasted fine. She poured a little more.

"Getting started without me?" Natalia asked.

Olivia looked up. Natalia wore a pale pink chemise with a hem that ended mid-thigh. She'd put up her hair into a loose ponytail. Her feet were bare.

"I...haven't seen that before," Olivia stammered.

"It's new. I bought it for the trip."

"You bought."

"Dinah's advice."

"Dinah."

"Olivia," Natalia said, picking up a glass of champagne and holding it to her lips. "Drink something. You look like you're going to pass out."

Olivia drank deeply, letting the bubbles burn her throat and her nose. She coughed and said, "I think I am."

"Want to shower?"

"I think I do."

Natalia ran her hand up and down Olivia's back.

"Champagne?" Olivia asked.

Natalia smiled and took her glass. "To us," she said.

Olivia clinked glasses. "To tonight."

Natalia's hand slid lower.

Olivia said, "Okay, okay. I'll be right back."

"Hurry," Natalia said.

Olivia made it to the doorway of the bathroom before she turned back.

Natalia raised her eyebrows.

"I'm not going to hurry," Olivia said. "Not tonight."

Natalia raised her glass.

Olivia closed the door. She undressed, kicking her clothes behind the door. She'd worry about them later. The water was cool at first, but she got in anyway. This part she could hurry. Natalia didn't have to know. But later...

She and Natalia had had too few nights like this. With a daughter at home, with a business to run, with Springfield being what it was... Not tonight. No homework emergencies or murders or political schemes were going to interrupt them. She'd turn off her phone, disconnect the computer. If bad news was going to come, it would come tomorrow. Anyone who needed bailing out of jail would have to stay the night.

Cleaner, scrubbed with the ranch's homemade vanilla soap--she'd make notes about that later--hair blown dry, she went back into the cabin's main room, wearing a towel.

Natalia was already in the turned-down bed, the champagne glass half-empty at her side. She turned a radiant smile on Olivia.

"Nice towel," Natalia said.

Olivia dropped it. She liked the way Natalia's eyes widened and the way Natalia's expression became more smoldering. Her body responded eagerly, just standing there. She slipped into bed.

"You left your clothes on the floor, didn't you?" Natalia asked.

Olivia grinned.

"You're lucky I love you."

"I know," Olivia said.

Natalia moved closer, pressing her shoulder against Olivia's. Olivia twisted, bringing Natalia into her arms, letting Natalia's shoulder settle into the crook of hers instead. They kissed. Olivia closed her eyes. The sensation of a woman's lips moving against hers--Natalia was the only woman she'd ever kissed, the only mouth she'd ever known. She took Natalia's hand as the kiss deepened, and brought it to her heart. Natalia tugged Olivia's bottom lip between her teeth and then pulled back, releasing it, curling her lips over her own teeth instead.

"I love your body," Olivia said.

Natalia smiled.

"Every inch of it." Olivia drew up Natalia's hand and kissed it, and then pressed it back to her heart. "I'm going to touch all of it tonight."

Natalia swallowed.

Olivia urged her back against the headrest and kissed her lips, only briefly, and then let go of her hand in order to cup her breast. The fabric dragged against her fingers. Meeting Natalia's eyes, she pulled the strap from Natalia's shoulder. The chemise slipped away, enough to bare Natalia's breast.

Natalia closed her eyes.

Olivia bent down and kissed newly exposed skin. Just the curve of breast, just the lightest pressure of her mouth. Then she worked toward the nipple, which rose with Natalia's breaths, offering itself to her mouth. Natalia's hand settled on her back and traced her spine. Olivia sucked. There--she could make the nipple harden like that, against her tongue. She could draw that sound from Natalia's lips. The sigh that was half-surrender, half-fight. She kissed her way to Natalia's collar bone. She bent gently. Had others treated Natalia's body with this kind of reverence--she didn't want to think about it.

"Not fair," Natalia said. She massaged the nape of Olivia's neck, and then drew her upward. "I want to play, too."

"I'm not stopping you," Olivia said.

"Good."

Natalia turned and kissed her, touching Olivia with just her lips as she pulled the chemise from her other shoulder.

When the kiss broke, Olivia said, "You got a lot of use out of that."

"I got what I wanted," Natalia said.

Olivia smiled. She kissed Natalia again, and this time Natalia moved into her arms, pressing against her. Her hand cupped Olivia's neck, and then her shoulder, and then her breast.

"Going back to what we said earlier," Natalia said. "I love how strong you are."

"Do you?" Olivia settled her hand onto Natalia's stomach.

Natalia captured her fingers. She pulled Olivia's hand to her face. "Yes. If I pictured a woman, it wouldn't--I don't know that it would have been you. But you're the most beautiful woman I know. I look at you, and I get...dizzy."

Olivia smiled.

Natalia turned and kissed her palm. Then, her gaze locked on Olivia's, she took the tip of Olivia's index finger between her teeth.

Olivia held her breath.

Natalia drew more in, letting the finger slide against her warm tongue.

Olivia gasped.

Natalia pulled Olivia's hand away. Her teeth grazed Olivia's skin.

"You're going to kill me," Olivia said.

"I'm going to try." Natalia repeated the maneuver with Olivia's middle finger, and then her thumb.

Every sensation was sending Olivia into a spiral of arousal and desire. The touch of Natalia's teeth against her wrist went all the way through her. The heat of Natalia's mouth made her feel encompassed. Loved. Natalia curled Olivia's fingers and brushed each knuckle with tender, shy kisses.

If Natalia was going to do this to every inch of her...

"Now who's not playing fair," she said. She was losing the ability to speak.

"I'm just holding your hand," Natalia said.

Olivia sank down into the bed, so that Natalia, still sitting, had to look down into her eyes. Olivia freed her hand and cupped Natalia's face.

"Hold all of me instead," Olivia said.

Natalia slid down, lying next to her, putting one hand on Olivia's side, and working the other under Olivia's pillow. Olivia moved closer, until their legs were intertwined, until their breath mingled. Natalia stroked Olivia's back.

"Close enough?" Natalia asked.

Olivia kissed her. She found Natalia's lips parted, her angle easy. She touched Natalia wherever she could, throat and breast and hip. They kissed until Natalia's nails were digging into her back, and their kisses were no longer kisses but just a mashing of lips with heat and longing and need.

Olivia tore herself away. "Don't argue," she said.

"But--"

Olivia moved down, kissing Natalia's breasts again. She wanted to linger, but they had all night to make love. She wanted these, but she wanted something else more. Her lips traveled across Natalia's stomach.

"Olivia," Natalia said.

But her protest was token. She was already spreading her legs. Olivia's breath was already warming her lower lips, already finding her wet and wanting.

"Please," Natalia said.

Olivia said, before she lowered her mouth, before she'd lose her ability to speak entirely, "You know. We have all night."

"You're going to do this all night? Oh... Olivia..."

Olivia kissed her. Lips to soft heat. To flesh that opened for her, that offered itself to her mouth with the thrusts of Natalia's hips. Olivia took her time, exploring crevices and tastes, making sure there was no place her tongue had not traveled. Natalia held her head with one hand, and the other groped for her until Olivia reached up and took it in her own. Natalia's fingers squeezed hers, contrasting strength with the pliant suppleness below.

Only when Natalia cried out with each ragged breath, only when Olivia's own desire became so great that she wanted to show Natalia how much she wanted her just with her mouth, did she stop teasing. She responded to each tug of her hair, each gasp, let each flick of her tongue bring Natalia closer, until Natalia stopped moving altogether. Stopped breathing. The death grip on her hand was Natalia's only communication. Then Natalia shuddered, and Olivia clung to her, letting the orgasm shake them both. Natalia trembled against her lips.

Then, in the stillness, in Natalia's breath, Olivia freed her fingers. She kisssed Natalia's stomach, and then her thigh. Time to work downward. Maybe to her toes--

"Olivia," Natalia said.

Olivia lifted her head.

Natalia tugged at her hair. "Come up here."

Olivia pouted.

Natalia beckoned with a smile.

Olivia sighed and worked her way back into Natalia's arms. Natalia kissed her and nipped at her cheeks and nuzzled her jaw.

"Oh, Olivia," she breathed.

Olivia kissed her temple.

"I can't believe I'm the only one who gets to have this," Natalia said.

"Who else would deserve me?"

"No one. I've earned you." Natalia pulled her in for another kiss. "All of you."

"Every bit."

"Right now," Natalia said.

"But--"

"Yup." Natalia snuggled closer, so she could kiss Olivia and with her free hand, trace Olivia's breasts. "These," she said, brushing a thumb across Olivia's nipple.

"Uh huh."

"This," she said, tracing the scar between Olivia's breasts, then moving back up to her chin, and kissing her again. Olivia closed her eyes, so aroused that every touch was both soothing and terrible. She wanted to let go, to satisfy herself, to fall into Natalia. But she was so desperate she didn't know where to start, so she let Natalia touch her--as long as Natalia was touching her, everything was all right. She didn't need do do anything.

The things she wanted to do, she wasn't sure she had the strength for, especially after Natalia's hand slipped along her thigh. Pressing. Squeezing.

"Natalia..."

Natalia kissed the corner of her mouth.

Olivia found Natalia's lips, fully, and opened her mouth to them, and offered herself. She wondered when making love with Natalia would stop feeling like this, desperate and hungry and passionate. It was usually just the first time, when she didn't feel loved enough--when she wasn't sure she could love enough, but with Natalia, each time made her heart ache in her chest. She cried more often than was sensible, because Natalia... Natalia.. gave everything to her.

"Natalia."

Natalia's fingers found her, pressed past all the barriers, the insecurities, the indecencies. Stroked her, opened her, made her quiver in the intimacy that sheltered them. Olivia held Natalia, breast to breast, knee to knee, but Natalia was carrying them both, with the deftest, lightest caress.

Then Olivia babbled, trying to convey just what Natalia was doing to her, mostly saying her name, over and over, creating noise and breath between them. And then finally, "Inside." Natalia filled her, and it felt so--so good--and complete, and right. Olivia closed her eyes, and tightened her hold, and came. She waited for the orgasm to tear her to pieces. She waited for God or Satan or whatever was out there to come take this from her. But there was only the sound of breathing. Hers and Natalia's.

And then Natalia's voice, whispering to her, as her hand moved away. "Shssh, Olivia. Stop crying."

Olivia coughed. "You stop crying."

"You first."

"Okay. In a minute." Olivia curled up on her side, around Natalia, smelling her hair. "We have to do this again," she said.

"We have all night."

"It's not enough."

"Oh, it will be."

Natalia found her hand. They stayed together until a log fell into the fire. Until the champagne beckoned. Until Olivia remembered that she had brought a CD for just this occasion, and realized that Natalia still wasn't quite undressed.

She said, "Let's get everything set up."

Natalia smiled.

Five minutes, and then the night could truly begin.

* * *

Sunday

The minister came up from town in a rickety pickup truck. His own church had services at 10, so he had a solid morning. He told Natalia that he performed weddings, too, at the smaller lodges. The larger ones, closer to the big ski resorts, had their own chaplain services.

Natalia had left the warmth of the cabin and entered the gray pre-dawn. She'd bundled against the cold. Olivia had woken up only enough to kiss her goodbye, eyes still closed, curled up in their bed. She made Natalia wistful, looking at her. She'd fought the temptation to stay.

On the east side of the hill, by the pastures where Helada grazed peacefully, and raised her head in greeting, Natalia gathered with J.M. and Miriam Chester and Tad and the managers.

The minister wore a polo shirt and jeans under his heavy leather jacket, and he carried a Book of Common Prayer. Patricia introduced him as Jaime.

The mountain blocked their view of the east. The grayness was all around them.

Jaime, looking half her age, said, "I was glad when they said unto me, 'We will go into the house of the Lord.'"

Natalia brought the smile to her face. The one she wore to please those around her, and to please God. She listened to Jaime, and she hoped.

J.M. shifted, bringing himself upwind of Natalia, to keep her warmer.

She hugged her shoulders and turned her smile on him.

He smiled in return.

Jaime said, "Let us pray."

Natalia's head went down. Her eyes fluttered closed. But light touched her eyelids. She looked east. The sky was turning golden.

Jaime said, "Holy God, heavenly Father, you formed me from the dust in your image and likeness, and redeemed me from sin and death by the cross of your Son Jesus Christ. Through the water of baptism you clothed me with the shining garment of his righteousness, and established me among your children in your kingdom. But I have squandered the inheritance of your saints, and have wandered far in a land that is waste."

Natalia took a deep breath. She instinctively rubbed her ring finger, now bare skin. Unadorned hands. No more ring from Gus, or diamond from Frank. She was free. Free to love whoever she wanted.

The sun crept over the crest of the mountain, bringing warmth.

J.M., too, was looking, praying open-eyed, moving his lips along with Jaime's words.

"Therefore, O Lord, from these and all other sins I cannot now remember, I turn to you in sorrow and repentance. Receive me again into the arms of your mercy, and restore me to the blessed company of your faithful people; through him in whom you have redeemed the world, your Son our Savior Jesus Christ. Amen."

"Amen," Natalia said.

Jaime turned around and faced the sun and smiled. "This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it."

Then the group broke up. The managers and Tad went to start breakfast, and Miriam spoke to Jaime, with low, sweet words.

Natalia glanced at J.M. She said, "I am not an outdoors person. Olivia is. Just the way she grew up--the way she keeps in shape--but not me. I prefer talking to God..." She wondered hot to phrase it.

"In His house?" J.M. asked.

"Yes. I mean, this is His house, too. But I like the ones we built. With central heating."

He smiled. "I like the reminder of what He's capable of. All this majesty." He gestured at the mountains.

She nodded.

"But Olivia?" he asked, keeping his eyes on the sunrise. "She's not--?"

"She believes. Though she'd tell you otherwise. She just--she doesn't like church. She's often..."

Natalia didn't feel good talking to J.M. about Olivia's demons. Breaking the intimacy was one thing and not quite knowing what to say was another. She tried not to think about it. The scars left on Olivia, she tried to soothe away without analysis. Occasionally Olivia would rant, and Natalia had learned--finally learned--not to take it personally. Olivia only ranted when she was afraid. God scared her.

"My son, too," J.M. was saying. "He'd rather do something else Sunday mornings."

"I couldn't imagine doing anything else," Natalia said.

J.M. shook his head.

Natalia asked, because they were alone, because she was leaving in a few hours, because she could, "And his mother?"

"Car accident. Only a year ago. She was drunk. Things had been hard before that."

"Is that why--"

"A change of scenery? Yeah. Strangers. Nature. And he's always liked horses."

Natalia remembered seeing him with Monada, the black gelding with a white blanket, hugging him or brushing him more often than riding him.

"I'm sorry," Natalia said.

"Seems like you've known grief, too," he said.

She nodded. "I've lost a lot. Rafe's father. Friends."

"The sun keeps rising," he said. "Don't they know it's the end of the world?"

Natalia smiled.

The sun was higher, now, making the sky a normal morning blueish gray, almost bright--not quite yet--but the magnificent colors were fading. She was about to say goodbye when J.M. asked a question.

"So, how did you and, uh, Olivia get to know each other?"

Natalia said, "She was friends with my husband. They were good friends. And when he died, we kind of...had his pain to share. And parts of him, in us, to share. He was... well-loved, but his death had a way of isolating us. The whole town. You wouldn't believe the crazy things that happened. But Olivia and I, we got to know each other. And then we got to prefer each other. No one else had anything to offer us that helped with the pain. And then there was this... this moment of magic. I don't know. I don't know when it was. So. It's not the most romantic story you've ever heard, I'm sure. But there are so many parts in her that aren't in me, and it--"

She didn't want to end that with something corny.

J.M. nodded. "Split by Zeus?"

"I wouldn't go that far. But she's definitely a gift from God."

"But you wouldn't go that far."

Natalia grinned. She asked, "Was it like that with you and--?"

"No. Definitely not. But there was still magic. She was so good at turning my life upside down. She was fire. Madness. It's like... it's like I hate how peaceful it is now."

"Makes you feel dead, in a way?"

"Yes. But not my son. He has a chance at a different life."

She nodded. J.M. took her hands. She met his gaze. "Ours sons should meet."

"Where's yours?"

"He's in the Army."

J.M. smiled. "Next year's vacation. We'll all go to New Orleans or something."

"Sounds perfect."

He let her go. "I'll give you my card."

She nodded, then reached for his arm. "Hey, J.M.?"

He turned back.

"Maybe we should pray together."

"Yeah. Okay." He took her hands.

They bowed their heads, not quite touching.

He said, "Lord." He took a deep breath. "Make us instruments of your peace. Where there is hatred, let us sow love..."

She prayed.

* * *

Olivia had packed everything when she got back and was sitting on a suitcase, looking smug.

"Before breakfast?" Natalia asked.

"I woke up without you and I--I didn't want to deal with people. Extra energy. You know."

Natalia draped her arms over Olivia's shoulders. "You constantly surprise me."

"How was God?"

"He says hi."

Olivia grinned. "Let's eat."

Natalia held her down. "Wait."

Olivia tilted her chin up, and smiled. Her listening face. Natalia smoothed her cheek.

Natalia said, "You know how in outer space..."

Olivia's eyebrows shot up.

"Like, if you're in outer space too long, your legs get weak? Because you're not using them? Because there's no gravity to push against?"

"Sure," Olivia said.

"I think--I think that's happening to me. I used to be this strong, independent person. I could take on Alan Spaulding. Or--or you. But I can't do it anymore. I cannot leave this room without holding you first. I cannot go out into the world unless I know I can rush back to you."

"Is it scary?" Olivia asked.

"Am I sapping your strength?"

Olivia said, "The opposite. The more you're here, the less I faint. You make my heart stronger."

Olivia said it placidly, but Natalia still heard the words. Enough to make her blush, and tangle her fingers in Olivia's hair, and draw her close.

"Breakfast, Natalia."

"First, tell me you love me."

Olivia squirmed free of her and stood up, apart from her, and said, "Natalia. I love you." She said them as if they were her last words, or her first words, or the only words she knew, with a trembling, fearful grace, as if even with all that meaning Natalia still wouldn't believe her. Or would laugh in her face.

"Okay," Natalia said.

"Health bar recharged?"

Natalia smiled and took Olivia's hand. "I love you, too. One day I am going to tell you how much, and you are going to drop dead right there in front of me."

"But not today?"

"But not today."

"First breakfast," Olivia said.

"Then the longest van ride ever."

"Then shopping in Denver."

Natalia closed her eyes. "I do love shopping with you."

"Then," Olivia said, taking Natalia's face in her hands. "Home."

* * *

Epilogue

David had the proposal, two inches thick, in his hand, but he was looking at Olivia instead. "Lay it on me," he said.

"Want the hard truth?"

He braced himself.

She said, "You have to double your staff."

"What?"

"Yup. Who you have there now...they're lovely, they're adequate, but... they do far too much, and it's a little incestuous. So that's step one."

"Step two?"

"There are a lot of little things in the proposal. The soap, room decor, food, transportation. But here's the thing you aren't going to like."

"Olivia--"

"Listen to me. Here it is. You're going to have to have a massive marketing campaign. You want to fill every room, all the time. The first campaign will be the hardest--once you're booked solid, that will speak for itself. And you'll have repeat business. You'll become a destination. But only if everyone knows your name."

"That means--"

"Yes. You'll lose some of the charm. The reason you bought that place in the first place."

"That didn't win you over?"

Olivia sat back. "It did. David, it was... It was wonderful. All I'm talking about is making it better. You'll lose some of the rustic, down-home qualities. But not all. You're just going to have more people there. That's all."

"That's not all."

"Fine. No more of this drop-in stuff. No more letting the locals hang out and shoot pool, or soak their bunions. Tourists only."

"Olivia."

"That's my advice." She handed another binder over, only a half of an inch thick.

"What's this?"

"That's Natalia's advice."

"Your partner? You don't have a unified plan?"

"Mostly we do. But there are a few things we disagree on. We've read each other's proposals. You'll see."

David raised his eyebrows.

"Two lone wolves, remember?"

"I remember." He smiled. "Give her my thanks, would you?"

"I will. David, it was a pleasure doing business with you. I came back from those mountains...better, I think. Stronger than I thought I was."

David looked at her curiously.

Olivia said, "I want to hear in six months how it's going."

"No interest in working on the marketing campaign?"

"None. I can recommend a few people, but my place is in Springfield. Not gallivanting all over Chicago and Colorado."

"Sure." He stood up and shook her hand. "Thank you for everything."

"You too."

* * *

The Chicago spring's unseasonable cold snap had finally given way to summer, and Olivia welcomed the heat on her face as she stepped onto the sidewalk.

Natalia, leaning against a bench, smiled at her.

Olivia smiled back. "He seemed happy."

"If you were a python, every bunny rabbit you found would be happy."

"I'm not sure how to take that."

Natalia took her elbow. "It's a compliment."

Olivia smiled. She said, "One more day in Chicago."

"Would you like to move here?"

Olivia stopped short. "Move here?"

Natalia squeezed her arm.

"Leave the farmhouse? I couldn't."

"You sound like someone with Stockholm Syndrome."

"Funny. It's not that. I--I could see myself here. A big city to conquer. Skyscrapers. The lake. You. But I don't...I don't think I'm ready."

"I understand that," Natalia said.

"You?"

"Sometimes I miss it. It feels like home. But we've got a house together. It's ours. This wouldn't feel the same."

"Not even a penthouse?"

"Not even. Maybe someday."

"We can have a winter residence," Olivia said.

"We should have a winter residence in Tahiti," Natalia said.

"Or that. So, how are you going to spend your money?"

"A quarter in Emma's college fund, and quarter in Rafe's. And then a quarter to Rafe as a little spending money."

"What a sweet mom." Olivia kissed Natalia's cheek.

"I know. He doesn't deserve me." Natalia smiled.

"That leaves a quarter left."

"That's going to be a surprise. I haven't decided. That's just for me."

"I'm so proud of you."

"Shut up. I've been thinking, maybe a new dress?"

Olivia cleared her throat.

"Maybe some other fashion accessory?"

"Maybe."

Natalia said, "Or maybe something for the farmhouse. We could use a new shower curtain. I know what you'll say--that's not exactly frivolous, but the one we have is just fine, so it would be an unnecessary expense."

"I wish I hadn't told you how to talk business."

"You find it hot."

"A little."

"Maybe," Natalia said, squeezing Olivia's arm, "I will just send you flowers every week, until the money runs out."

"Okay. That's a lot frivolous."

"But worth it. To see you blush like that."

"Natalia."

"Well. It's going to be a total surprise," Natalia said.

"I can live with that."

Natalia pulled her closer and kissed her.

"We should leave town more often," Olivia said.

"And I was just about to say, we should go home."

END


End file.
